Spring!

It is beautiful outside. This weather is making me antsy.

Micah is working in the yard. He is finishing a project we dreamed up last year run water back to the garden. We used to drag hundreds of feet of hose off of the one spiget on the house. Today he is digging a trench to the garden, putting a water line in, and we will have a much healthier garden for it. I want to be helping. Just want to step off my lounge chair and throw some dirt into the trench.

Instead I'm reading my trashy novel by Nora Roberts and wondering, "will she get the guy?" As if I need to read to find out.

We went out on the boat this morning with Wendy, Max & Ava! After a few false starts at the launching ramp (why are there straps holding the boat onto the trailer?) we were successfully underway. Went up the Annisquam for a bit, then back into the harbor for one loop. It was fun. I'm glad we splurged and bought the new boat. It is going to be a great summer.

Getting onto the boat wasn't nearly as bad as I though. Just lowered myself onto the gunnels and slowly, carefully slung my leg over the side. Would Dr. Millis approve?? I was careful after wall - I know my limits. Although, I heard a weird pop without pain when I climbed into the truck aftewards so I hope it wasn't anything too bad.

Not taking any tylenol today. Don't think it does anything.

In pain. Not really. More like my muscles are simply stiff.

Looking forward to my 1 month check-up on Tuesday.

Take it easy.

I'm posting almost daily now. Maybe I can stick to something. I'm sure it's temporary.

I hate it when my grabber tool falls on the floor. WHY! How am I supposed to pick it up. Right now that tool is like my life blood. I NEED it to function. Surprisingly, I've become quite good at using my right toes to complete the task of picking things up - but the grabber might be too wide for my toes.


This is my niece Ava and nephew Calvin. I love these kids. Cal is afraid of me right now because I have a big boo boo. At first I was sensitive about it - but it is probably good because as a 2 year old boy he is wild! Cal has a new baby brother Freddy, and Ava will become a big sister next week to Stella. My family is sticking to the single sex theme for kids - I'm one of four girls. Freddy and Cal are Jen's boys, and Ava and Stella are Wendy's girls. Amy's pregnant too. Leaving one. Me. I'm the youngest so it will all work out. We'll have lots of hand-me-downs. I just hope our kids are not too young to fit into the brood of cousins.

Recently I started bending over to pick thing up from the floor. I'm not sure if this is a bad thing or not. I kind of place my left leg so it is at an angle behind me, and then I can lean down and not break the 90 degree rule. I'm not sure if stretching my leg back like that is allowed though, but it doesn't hurt.

I'm pushing it I think.
How can I be sure?
I only worked 2 half days and I feel exhausted. I have more pain than I had a week ago. Extra strength tylenol is like taking a vitamin - it probably does something, but I'm not sure what.

I am terrified that when I meet with my doctor next Tuesday I'm going to discover that something bad happened. Like a screw bent, or that my bone hasn't fused correctly. I am so nervous. I remember feeling this way after my knee surgery and it all went well. So far I haven't done anything outragious that would cause anything to happen - but I have been doing some things that I'm not sure are kosher- lifting upper body weights, bending my knee but trying stick to the limit of 90degrees (hard to do sometimes).

It's that sharp pain I get that makes me nervous. When I lie on my right side. It KILLS!!!! It goes away quickly, but it is so terrible I'd rather it didn't happen at all. I thought by not wearing underwear I had solved the problem, but this morning it happened again.

At least the constipation has stopped.

So, I've got a PAO Pal - Katie - last night I talked to her for about an hour and it was so great to be able to commiserate with someone who is going through the same thing. She had a terrible experience in the hospital and I was really nervous for her, but now she seems to be in good spirits (as good as possible given our situation). We both have dreams about walking - I thought that was funny. Last night it happened again - I was at work or some other office type building (it might have been an airport now that I think about it). I simply walked down the stairs holding my crutches and decided that I could just get rid of them.

I didn't have these dreams after my knee surgery. Or, I don't remember.

I guess we block out hard times. Otherwise we wouldn't repeat things like childbirth and surgery.

It's funny to me that driving, walking, carrying a glass of water.. all these things seem like a really big deal to me right now. I remember when my sister and I hiked the Long Trail in Vermont and had to pump all of our water from a stream, pond, mud hole.. or whatever was available. After 3 weeks of doing that going to the sink and turning on a faucet seem wrong - it was too easy. Shouldn't we have to work for it?

Someday I will forget what this was like. And I will do it again. And then - like Katie says - after one year it will all be over.

One year gone.

I hope this is worth it. I suppose it will always be an unknown.

What I really hope is that I return to mostly normal and that I don't have any limitations aftewards. Knock on wood.

Truly like a dog.

Triathlons.

I like feeling good about myself. Last summer I raced a few triathlons - and it felt good to finish. Really good. I like achieving goals.
I put a few pics in this post to inspire and motivate me. Remind me of where I am heading. It's hard to remember what it's like to move, to sweat, to physically exhaust myself. I miss endorphins.

I went to work yesterday.

It was actually good to be back. I have a lot of work to get done, and I like feeling like I'm accomplishing something. I worked from about Noon to five, and I plan to do about the same today. My computer has taken a vacation to California so I don't have any of my files or software, but I have a laptop and am making it work. I'm happy to do data entry to help out a coworker, even though before my surgery it would be the LAST thing I would offer to do. Not that stimulating.

I talk to much. I am just one of those people who offers too much info. Why?? I wish I didn't - but it is just who I am. I'm sure my coworkers are happy to know about my constipation problems (sarcastic). I am like a dog. I need to be with my kind. Too long without my kind and I go a little nutty. I suppose I've always been social - being alone does not suit me. Maybe because I'm from a big family - I like loud.

It's funny. Before my surgery I would wake up, take the dog for a long walk, work a full day, go to the gym for at least an hour or two, come home and make dinner, do housework, and crash. Yesterday I sat in a chair at a computer for 5 hours and I didn't make it past 8:30. I was exhausted!

I suppose my energy is all going toward healing right now.

I'm super boring. I suppose that is my fate right now.

Back to the grind

I'm going back to work this afternoon. Just for a few hours.

I've never heard of anyone going back at 3 weeks post-op, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't. Right? Am I pushing it?

My boss informed me I don't have a computer currently, so I'm not sure what to do about that.
Considering that all I can do right now is work on a computer I'm going to be digging for work.
Maybe I can at least dig some stuff up to do at home.

Getting out and back to the grind will be good I think. I could sit here for the next three weeks and do nothing but email and blog, but that gets boring, and I get depressed.

I really wish I could go to the gym. I need a good workout to alleviate some of my frustration. My 5 lbs upper body workouts are not cutting it.

Pup is back

I forgot to post the most important event ..

Sable is back! My pup. She had been at my mother and father in-laws for the past three weeks of my recovery. They brought her back to us on Sunday.

She's great. I missed her.

The long road...

I've been having a few bad days. I suppose it is to be expected. I would have been kidding myself if I thought I could maintain a positive attitude every single day through this long recovery. My friends would laugh at the thought of me being upbeat and undramatic for more than three straight days.


I have good friends. I'm lucky. They honestly know me. Not many people have that luck.


Last year one of my very close friends was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. We were 27. It completely changed my life perspective. It really did. I'm constantly comparing life to that now. When things that are trivial seem so important I think of how worse off things could be. Jill was a trooper. We got together for "girls night" before each of her chemo's and she was amazing. So strong. Never really complained. Just moved forward. Laughed and made jokes. Typical Jill. She finished her chemo treatments in September and her radiation in November. She's cancer free now - and moving ahead with her life by going back to school to become a teacher, and still working a full time job with a 3 hour daily commute.


Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself I think about that. It grounds me.

I drove yesterday and today which was exciting. Honestly, in my life right now that was exciting. Something we take for granted every single day. Progress!! Wasn't too bad. Getting into the car is a bit of a hassle, but I figured out a good routine if I put the seat all the way back. Finally. My 4 week appointment in next Tuesday. I hope he prescribes me PT or some other thing to do to make me feel like I'm moving forward. I'm hoping 6 weeks I'm off crutches - but that might be a bit ambitious.


It's raining outside right now. I hear the rain dripping from the gutters. Quiet.

The pain is the worst at night. I don't sleep. I suppose I could continue to drug myself up at night, but then I feel like crap during the day. I get this really sharp, intense pain along my incision - but it's not the skin - it's deep, somewhere in the bones or muscles. It really sucks. Tonight I've been having a weird pain in my groin which is new and also crappy.

I know why I had this surgery. But I'm doubting my decision. Or, I'm just dreading this long recovery. What if..?

Everyone is pregnant. Would I be pregnant? Why did we keep putting it off? What does that mean about us.. what am I, or we, so afraid of? Is my strange behavior and subtle jealousy only because the option isn't available right now?

This is a long road. I can't help but wish it was shorter, or easier, or that I could simply step out of this recliner, walk to the kitchen, and carry myself a glass of water - I can't. Not yet. The good thing is that someday, hopefully in only a few short weeks, I will be able to. Time doesn't fly when you want it to.

.. boredom sets in.

17 days post-op. Last week I had big hopes of posting daily. Well .. i have never really successfully kept a journal so how could I expect to keep a blog. So, it's been over a week since my last post. Things have improved.. my pain has subsided. I'm no longer taking morphine which has done wonders for my ability to go to the bathroom. It was a problem, and I was getting really sick of prune juice. Now I'm only taking tylenol.. it doesn't totally work, but I can live with a little discomfort. It reminds me to be careful.

I'm pretty much completely independent now. My husband went back to work on Monday and I get thru the day without a problem. I can take showers, get dressed, make or get myself some food (like toast, fruit, etc..). I am using crutches and have mastered carrying books and magazines around while crutching. I can carry some stuff in a plastic grocery bag if I need to. This is how I've been getting and carrying the mail.. a highlight of each day.

Much of my independence is due to this wonderful grabber tool thing that we bought at a local medical supply store. It enables me to do all these things. I always have the grabber with me - I can pick things up, turn on the t.v., get towels out of the closet, pick up clothes, etc..

I've been trying to get out daily .. sometimes just crutching up and down the driveway. But lately I've been having my husband or sister take me on bigger outings to stores. I get around pretty well with my wheelchair on these outings.. crutching thru a store is too exhausting, so I prefer the wheels. Yesterday I went to the mall and that was an adventure in obstacles .. even after the ADA, the world is still not all that accessible to people in wheelchairs. It was frustrating. The big box stores are better.. Target and Home Depot were a breeze to cruise around. I bought myself some underwear at Target that doesn't rub against my incision so I can stop going Comando, as I've been doing for two weeks. I even went out to dinner last night with my friends to the Cheesecake Factory.. it was fun, but I think sitting upright for that amount of time was too much for my hip. It was very stiff and uncomfortable when I stood up from the table, and hurt on the car ride home. I had to take a morphine pill to sleep last night.

I'm seriously considering going back to work next week for a few days. Part of me thinks it might be pushing it though, because I haven't heard of anyone going back to work in 3 weeks after a PAO. My joint is still fragile and I probably shouldn't expose myself to risk. Home = Safe. I'll see how I do this weekend.

My worst pain now is my tail bone, and I think it is from sitting so much as opposed to the surgery. Pain from my hip is only when I move my leg and hip in a direction they don't want to move.. from time to time I step wrong.. today my toe got caught on the carpet when I was crutching so it pulled my leg backwards. Ouch!

Perhaps I'll start to post more often. Probably not though. Off to Lowes to pick up a new sconce for the hallway. Getting out is keeping me sane. Boredom is setting in. Today I read a book start to finish.

Recovering from surgery

So I haven't posted in months - life gets busy and I forgot about my blog.
Had surgery on April 3rd to correct for my retreiver-like hips. I had a perioacetabular osteotomy (PAO) on my left hip. My doc was Dr. Michael Millis @ Children's Hospital in Boston. By all accounts one of the best surgeons in the country for this procedure. So, now am i 1/8 retreiver?

Surgery went well according to the doc. I was speedy to get out of bed according to the nurses and physical therapists. I'm feeling pretty positive and am at home now hanging out on the couch with my cats and husband, hence my writing in the blog because what else am I supposed to do.

We bought a recliner yesterday that we're getting today and I'm excited because it doubles my seating options.

The pain is terrible. I won't lie. I really hope it goes away because I've been on morphine now for over a week and at some point I'm going to run out and I don't know if I'll be able to tolerate the pain. It's a weird pain - not where I thought I would have pain. It's the worst on the back of my leg toward the outside directly below my butt.

I can't bend past 90 degrees but keep forgetting because there is nothing magical stopping me from doing that so I hope that I haven't totally screwed up the procedure. I can only put 1/6 of my weight on the operated leg but occasionally I lose my balance and put more than that on the leg and it hurts like hell and I also hope I haven't done anything bad to screw up the procedure.

I have a slew of fun activities lined up for me: magazines and books to read, silly games to play, a nintendo game box, cross stitch patterns to work on, t.v. to watch - but I seem to be spending most of my time on the laptop and sleeping. I'm gaining more and more energy every day which I guess is a good thing.

So far the worst part (besides the terrible pain and being confined to a couch and loss of appetite and total dependence on another human being) has been the constipation. My husband had to give me two suppositories- poor guy. Hopefully they will pull through for me and he won't have to do that again.

More later.