Take it easy.

I'm posting almost daily now. Maybe I can stick to something. I'm sure it's temporary.

I hate it when my grabber tool falls on the floor. WHY! How am I supposed to pick it up. Right now that tool is like my life blood. I NEED it to function. Surprisingly, I've become quite good at using my right toes to complete the task of picking things up - but the grabber might be too wide for my toes.


This is my niece Ava and nephew Calvin. I love these kids. Cal is afraid of me right now because I have a big boo boo. At first I was sensitive about it - but it is probably good because as a 2 year old boy he is wild! Cal has a new baby brother Freddy, and Ava will become a big sister next week to Stella. My family is sticking to the single sex theme for kids - I'm one of four girls. Freddy and Cal are Jen's boys, and Ava and Stella are Wendy's girls. Amy's pregnant too. Leaving one. Me. I'm the youngest so it will all work out. We'll have lots of hand-me-downs. I just hope our kids are not too young to fit into the brood of cousins.

Recently I started bending over to pick thing up from the floor. I'm not sure if this is a bad thing or not. I kind of place my left leg so it is at an angle behind me, and then I can lean down and not break the 90 degree rule. I'm not sure if stretching my leg back like that is allowed though, but it doesn't hurt.

I'm pushing it I think.
How can I be sure?
I only worked 2 half days and I feel exhausted. I have more pain than I had a week ago. Extra strength tylenol is like taking a vitamin - it probably does something, but I'm not sure what.

I am terrified that when I meet with my doctor next Tuesday I'm going to discover that something bad happened. Like a screw bent, or that my bone hasn't fused correctly. I am so nervous. I remember feeling this way after my knee surgery and it all went well. So far I haven't done anything outragious that would cause anything to happen - but I have been doing some things that I'm not sure are kosher- lifting upper body weights, bending my knee but trying stick to the limit of 90degrees (hard to do sometimes).

It's that sharp pain I get that makes me nervous. When I lie on my right side. It KILLS!!!! It goes away quickly, but it is so terrible I'd rather it didn't happen at all. I thought by not wearing underwear I had solved the problem, but this morning it happened again.

At least the constipation has stopped.

So, I've got a PAO Pal - Katie - last night I talked to her for about an hour and it was so great to be able to commiserate with someone who is going through the same thing. She had a terrible experience in the hospital and I was really nervous for her, but now she seems to be in good spirits (as good as possible given our situation). We both have dreams about walking - I thought that was funny. Last night it happened again - I was at work or some other office type building (it might have been an airport now that I think about it). I simply walked down the stairs holding my crutches and decided that I could just get rid of them.

I didn't have these dreams after my knee surgery. Or, I don't remember.

I guess we block out hard times. Otherwise we wouldn't repeat things like childbirth and surgery.

It's funny to me that driving, walking, carrying a glass of water.. all these things seem like a really big deal to me right now. I remember when my sister and I hiked the Long Trail in Vermont and had to pump all of our water from a stream, pond, mud hole.. or whatever was available. After 3 weeks of doing that going to the sink and turning on a faucet seem wrong - it was too easy. Shouldn't we have to work for it?

Someday I will forget what this was like. And I will do it again. And then - like Katie says - after one year it will all be over.

One year gone.

I hope this is worth it. I suppose it will always be an unknown.

What I really hope is that I return to mostly normal and that I don't have any limitations aftewards. Knock on wood.