1/4 Retriever, 3/4 German (or, when you find out you're missing hips)

VacationCountdown

2007-04-05T11:58:00.000-04:00

Repeat

2006-11-28T13:10:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how similar this recovery has been mentally compared to the last time. I didn't realize this until I just read my past posts.. and i'm pretty much feeling the same way today as I was on day 22 after my last surgery - antsy, tired, depressed. I don't really want to go back to work.. it means added stresses to my life that have been gone for the past three weeks, but at the same time I know that I can be working at this point and that it will probably make me feel better about myself. That's key to recovery I think. Right now all I can do is feel sorry for myself and wish that I was able to do all of my old tricks - going to the gym, riding my bike, planning winter ski trips, etcetera. I don't think that we'll be doing much skiing this winter.

I think I'll drive myself somewhere this afternoon to see how it goes.

Feeling really tired today. I don't sleep well these days.

Take Two

2006-11-20T10:54:00.000-05:00

I had my second surgery 2 weeks ago on November 6th. So far, it has been different than the first one in so many ways. My hospital stay was absolutely terrible due to a couple of crappy roommates.. amazing what a difference that makes. My first surgery I had a roommate who I could related to, followed by a single room.. and I was comfortable and happy. This time, I had two roommates who were terrible and in the hospital for reasons not orthopedic.. both were t.v. junkies.. it was horrible.

My pain sucks this time. The epidural didn't work correctly in the hospital so I had bad pain control from the beginning. Now I'm mostly off of the morphine, but I'm having this terrible pain in my inner thigh. I don't remember having this pain last time, and it's really intense. It makes it so I can't really lift foot off the floor when I'm crutching. I kind of drag my foot along the floor. It really hurts. I'm thinking about taking vicadin or something stronger than tylenol but weaker than morphine.

Overall I think that I am progressing a little faster this time, and so far mentally I'm keeping it together. I haven't been getting out as much this time but maybe that will change as time goes on. I've been to Target twice, and best buy once.

My b-day was Saturday. Had lots of visitors that day. Was definitely the most quiet and uneventful birthday I've ever had.

This experience is so humbling.

Procrastinating

2006-06-09T08:03:00.000-04:00

I haven't written anything in a long time.. this is because life has taken a few twists and turns in the past few weeks that make my life feel something like a cookie jar compared to those of many around me.

My sister Amy had a baby boy 3 on May 27. He wasn't supposed to arrive for another 3 months - he weighed 2 lbs and it was a whirlwind first week. Now he is stable and slowly gaining weight which is all good. However, a 2lbs baby faces many obstacles that a full term baby won't have to. It is going to be a long year for my sister and her husband.

Now I need to go eat breakfast. First, a rundown on me.

I had my 9 week check up on Tuesday. I'm down to one crutch for the next two or three weeks, but I've been bad around the house and am not really using my crutch. I can swim now - and put some resistance on the bike. All good things.

Perspective

2006-05-21T20:44:00.000-04:00

My sister-in-law Carrie is in the hospital. She is 24 weeks pregnant and, in her words, "has a crappy cervix" so the baby wants to come out. It's called incompetent cervix - you would think that a doctor might come up with a catchier name for the problem. Something less.. i don't know... insulting to a cervix. She had a surgery to essentially stich her closed (a cerclage)- so now we are waiting and hoping and keeping positive thoughts. Hoping things will hold on for as many more weeks as possible to get her to a healthy week.

She is going to be in the hospital until the baby is born. So.. potentially several months. I can't even begin to imagine what it is like for her and Andy, my brother-in-law. It is the kind of thing there is nothing to say - it's that awful - like finding out your friend has cancer.

Perspective.

My problems are so insignificant when I think about what Carrie and her husband Andy are going through. I'm almost embarassed that I would even consider ever feeling sorry for myself because i'm on crutches and had my hip fixed. It was my choice. Sometimes life takes these turns that seem almost too horrible to be true - and it happens to everyone which makes it even more horrendous.

Rooting for my little nephew to hang in there for as long as he can. If he has any of his mother's determination he'll make it to full term. Hoping.

Rain, rain, go away!

2006-05-15T12:17:00.000-04:00

Flooding everywhere and 15 inches of rain. And it's still raining.

We spent the weekend trying to save our newly finished basement from complete ruin. Up all night Saturday and most of Sunday with wet vac, towels, sump pumps and no ability to fight back the flood. We are so much better off than most people though. This place looks like a hurricane zone - without the downed trees and power lines.

I pushed it too hard. Pulling back carpet is not easy on crutches, and my hip, leg and back are all sore. My right hip was hurting so badly yesterday that I could not sleep. I'm concerned about this because previously I have not had right hip pain. Dr. Millis thought that my right hip might take a beating after the LPAO, and I guess his prediction is coming true. I think I've really been doing things lately that I shouldn't be doing. I hope that I am not hurting more than healing things.

The worst pain lately is my screws. They are irritated very easitly, and really hurt when I where normal fitting pants. I dont' want to wear loose workout pants to work though.

At work now. Whoops. Probably shouldn't be blogging, but it's lunch time. Hopeing that I can make it home through the flooded roads.

Here comes the rain

2006-05-10T20:01:00.000-04:00

It's supposed to rain for the next two weeks. Our garden is completely flooded.
Last week was crazy.
My 1 month post-op appointment was last Tuesday. My new niece, Stella Wynn, was born on Wednesday. I had ambitions of posting my progress immediately after the appointment, but clearly I'm long overdue. Had a busy week and weekend with my family. Work is nuts too. Playing catch up.

Here is the run down:

Things are healing well.
Crutches with more weight bearing for 5 more weeks (until June 6). The PT taught me how to "walk" more normally with crutches. Before I was putting the crutches forward, then stepping with my left (operated) leg and then my right (good) leg. Now I walk a normal gait, but bring my crutches forward at the same time I bring my left leg forward. I'm can almost keep up with people now, and my leg muscle is slowly returning.
I can do more rigorous PT - getting in a pool to walk laps and riding a bike with no resistance. Any upper body workout that I want to do is okay. Also, I have new home PT to do including bridges!, leg extensions and a few others.
I have no more restrictions on movement (that 90 degree rule was driving me batty). So, basically my life has dramatically improved in the past week. I'm like a completely normal Becky - working long days, driving myself around, going to the gym after work, cooking dinner - only with crutches.
The PT said that at this point there is nothing I could do to bend the screws, and if I accidently stepped full weight on the joint it would be okay.
Scheduled my RPAO for November 6. Am I crazy to go through this again so soon? I really just want to get it over with and move on with my life-- have a few babies, etc..

My disappointment is the time left on crutches. I was told initially 6 - 10 weeks - I was really hoping I'd be closer to the 6 week end of things - not the 10. Oh well - it is what it is. I guess 9 weeks isn't so bad. Staying positive. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

So, since getting the go ahead I've been to the gym nearly every night. I alternate pool and bike/upper body. It feels good to walk in the pool - forwards, backwards, side steps- and the bike was weird at first, but now I can do a full rotation without pinching in the front of my hip. Doesn't exactly get my endorphins going though. God I miss them.

Apparently being on crutches is a sign that everyone is your friend, and everyone is allowed to ask questions. I don't mind. Maybe I do just a little somtimes. Especially if it's a creepy weird guy who won't let you just finish a workout because his grandmother had hip surgery or something, and she's doing fine.

Why does everyone think they can compare me to their grandmother, or elderly friend who had a hip replacement. How many times do I have to say "yes, it's the same joint, but a VERY different surgery."

My scar is healing to a thin red line. Looks like someone traced the line of my undies with a red pen. Why can't all scars be so nice? My knee scar looks like someone cut me with a hatchet.

My only pain is the muscle in front of my hip - hip flexor maybe? It doesn't really work yet, so I get stiffness and pain when I try to use it. Like putting on pants or socks. I can move my leg forward without a problem, it's lifting up that doesn't work. I hope it goes away. I really hope that it isn't my bone pinching, because during my surgery my femur had to be shaved to fit the adjusted socket. I hope he shaved enough. I'm sure he did. He is a fantastic surgeon.

I've been tylenol free for over a week.

My cat Saranac is currently climbing up my back. She's a funny, somewhat odd creature.

Tonight at the gym I went into the Sauna after the pool. Felt great - but I nearly got a 3rd degree burn from my crutches afterwards. Warning - do not touch the metal on your crutches if they have spent 15 minutes in a 105 degree room.

Spring!

2006-04-30T15:26:00.000-04:00

It is beautiful outside. This weather is making me antsy.

Micah is working in the yard. He is finishing a project we dreamed up last year run water back to the garden. We used to drag hundreds of feet of hose off of the one spiget on the house. Today he is digging a trench to the garden, putting a water line in, and we will have a much healthier garden for it. I want to be helping. Just want to step off my lounge chair and throw some dirt into the trench.

Instead I'm reading my trashy novel by Nora Roberts and wondering, "will she get the guy?" As if I need to read to find out.

We went out on the boat this morning with Wendy, Max & Ava! After a few false starts at the launching ramp (why are there straps holding the boat onto the trailer?) we were successfully underway. Went up the Annisquam for a bit, then back into the harbor for one loop. It was fun. I'm glad we splurged and bought the new boat. It is going to be a great summer.

Getting onto the boat wasn't nearly as bad as I though. Just lowered myself onto the gunnels and slowly, carefully slung my leg over the side. Would Dr. Millis approve?? I was careful after wall - I know my limits. Although, I heard a weird pop without pain when I climbed into the truck aftewards so I hope it wasn't anything too bad.

Not taking any tylenol today. Don't think it does anything.

In pain. Not really. More like my muscles are simply stiff.

Looking forward to my 1 month check-up on Tuesday.

Take it easy.

2006-04-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

I'm posting almost daily now. Maybe I can stick to something. I'm sure it's temporary.

I hate it when my grabber tool falls on the floor. WHY! How am I supposed to pick it up. Right now that tool is like my life blood. I NEED it to function. Surprisingly, I've become quite good at using my right toes to complete the task of picking things up - but the grabber might be too wide for my toes.

This is my niece Ava and nephew Calvin. I love these kids. Cal is afraid of me right now because I have a big boo boo. At first I was sensitive about it - but it is probably good because as a 2 year old boy he is wild! Cal has a new baby brother Freddy, and Ava will become a big sister next week to Stella. My family is sticking to the single sex theme for kids - I'm one of four girls. Freddy and Cal are Jen's boys, and Ava and Stella are Wendy's girls. Amy's pregnant too. Leaving one. Me. I'm the youngest so it will all work out. We'll have lots of hand-me-downs. I just hope our kids are not too young to fit into the brood of cousins.

Recently I started bending over to pick thing up from the floor. I'm not sure if this is a bad thing or not. I kind of place my left leg so it is at an angle behind me, and then I can lean down and not break the 90 degree rule. I'm not sure if stretching my leg back like that is allowed though, but it doesn't hurt.

I'm pushing it I think.
How can I be sure?
I only worked 2 half days and I feel exhausted. I have more pain than I had a week ago. Extra strength tylenol is like taking a vitamin - it probably does something, but I'm not sure what.

I am terrified that when I meet with my doctor next Tuesday I'm going to discover that something bad happened. Like a screw bent, or that my bone hasn't fused correctly. I am so nervous. I remember feeling this way after my knee surgery and it all went well. So far I haven't done anything outragious that would cause anything to happen - but I have been doing some things that I'm not sure are kosher- lifting upper body weights, bending my knee but trying stick to the limit of 90degrees (hard to do sometimes).

It's that sharp pain I get that makes me nervous. When I lie on my right side. It KILLS!!!! It goes away quickly, but it is so terrible I'd rather it didn't happen at all. I thought by not wearing underwear I had solved the problem, but this morning it happened again.

At least the constipation has stopped.

So, I've got a PAO Pal - Katie - last night I talked to her for about an hour and it was so great to be able to commiserate with someone who is going through the same thing. She had a terrible experience in the hospital and I was really nervous for her, but now she seems to be in good spirits (as good as possible given our situation). We both have dreams about walking - I thought that was funny. Last night it happened again - I was at work or some other office type building (it might have been an airport now that I think about it). I simply walked down the stairs holding my crutches and decided that I could just get rid of them.

I didn't have these dreams after my knee surgery. Or, I don't remember.

I guess we block out hard times. Otherwise we wouldn't repeat things like childbirth and surgery.

It's funny to me that driving, walking, carrying a glass of water.. all these things seem like a really big deal to me right now. I remember when my sister and I hiked the Long Trail in Vermont and had to pump all of our water from a stream, pond, mud hole.. or whatever was available. After 3 weeks of doing that going to the sink and turning on a faucet seem wrong - it was too easy. Shouldn't we have to work for it?

Someday I will forget what this was like. And I will do it again. And then - like Katie says - after one year it will all be over.

One year gone.

I hope this is worth it. I suppose it will always be an unknown.

What I really hope is that I return to mostly normal and that I don't have any limitations aftewards. Knock on wood.

Truly like a dog.

2006-04-27T09:30:00.000-04:00

Triathlons.

I like feeling good about myself. Last summer I raced a few triathlons - and it felt good to finish. Really good. I like achieving goals.
I put a few pics in this post to inspire and motivate me. Remind me of where I am heading. It's hard to remember what it's like to move, to sweat, to physically exhaust myself. I miss endorphins.

I went to work yesterday.

It was actually good to be back. I have a lot of work to get done, and I like feeling like I'm accomplishing something. I worked from about Noon to five, and I plan to do about the same today. My computer has taken a vacation to California so I don't have any of my files or software, but I have a laptop and am making it work. I'm happy to do data entry to help out a coworker, even though before my surgery it would be the LAST thing I would offer to do. Not that stimulating.

I talk to much. I am just one of those people who offers too much info. Why?? I wish I didn't - but it is just who I am. I'm sure my coworkers are happy to know about my constipation problems (sarcastic). I am like a dog. I need to be with my kind. Too long without my kind and I go a little nutty. I suppose I've always been social - being alone does not suit me. Maybe because I'm from a big family - I like loud.

It's funny. Before my surgery I would wake up, take the dog for a long walk, work a full day, go to the gym for at least an hour or two, come home and make dinner, do housework, and crash. Yesterday I sat in a chair at a computer for 5 hours and I didn't make it past 8:30. I was exhausted!

I suppose my energy is all going toward healing right now.

I'm super boring. I suppose that is my fate right now.

Back to the grind

2006-04-26T11:04:00.000-04:00

I'm going back to work this afternoon. Just for a few hours.

I've never heard of anyone going back at 3 weeks post-op, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't. Right? Am I pushing it?

My boss informed me I don't have a computer currently, so I'm not sure what to do about that.
Considering that all I can do right now is work on a computer I'm going to be digging for work.
Maybe I can at least dig some stuff up to do at home.

Getting out and back to the grind will be good I think. I could sit here for the next three weeks and do nothing but email and blog, but that gets boring, and I get depressed.

I really wish I could go to the gym. I need a good workout to alleviate some of my frustration. My 5 lbs upper body workouts are not cutting it.

Pup is back

2006-04-25T22:45:00.000-04:00

I forgot to post the most important event ..

Sable is back! My pup. She had been at my mother and father in-laws for the past three weeks of my recovery. They brought her back to us on Sunday.

She's great. I missed her.

The long road...

2006-04-25T22:16:00.000-04:00

I've been having a few bad days. I suppose it is to be expected. I would have been kidding myself if I thought I could maintain a positive attitude every single day through this long recovery. My friends would laugh at the thought of me being upbeat and undramatic for more than three straight days.

I have good friends. I'm lucky. They honestly know me. Not many people have that luck.

Last year one of my very close friends was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. We were 27. It completely changed my life perspective. It really did. I'm constantly comparing life to that now. When things that are trivial seem so important I think of how worse off things could be. Jill was a trooper. We got together for "girls night" before each of her chemo's and she was amazing. So strong. Never really complained. Just moved forward. Laughed and made jokes. Typical Jill. She finished her chemo treatments in September and her radiation in November. She's cancer free now - and moving ahead with her life by going back to school to become a teacher, and still working a full time job with a 3 hour daily commute.

Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself I think about that. It grounds me.

I drove yesterday and today which was exciting. Honestly, in my life right now that was exciting. Something we take for granted every single day. Progress!! Wasn't too bad. Getting into the car is a bit of a hassle, but I figured out a good routine if I put the seat all the way back. Finally. My 4 week appointment in next Tuesday. I hope he prescribes me PT or some other thing to do to make me feel like I'm moving forward. I'm hoping 6 weeks I'm off crutches - but that might be a bit ambitious.

It's raining outside right now. I hear the rain dripping from the gutters. Quiet.

The pain is the worst at night. I don't sleep. I suppose I could continue to drug myself up at night, but then I feel like crap during the day. I get this really sharp, intense pain along my incision - but it's not the skin - it's deep, somewhere in the bones or muscles. It really sucks. Tonight I've been having a weird pain in my groin which is new and also crappy.

I know why I had this surgery. But I'm doubting my decision. Or, I'm just dreading this long recovery. What if..?

Everyone is pregnant. Would I be pregnant? Why did we keep putting it off? What does that mean about us.. what am I, or we, so afraid of? Is my strange behavior and subtle jealousy only because the option isn't available right now?

This is a long road. I can't help but wish it was shorter, or easier, or that I could simply step out of this recliner, walk to the kitchen, and carry myself a glass of water - I can't. Not yet. The good thing is that someday, hopefully in only a few short weeks, I will be able to. Time doesn't fly when you want it to.

.. boredom sets in.

2006-04-20T18:43:00.000-04:00

17 days post-op. Last week I had big hopes of posting daily. Well .. i have never really successfully kept a journal so how could I expect to keep a blog. So, it's been over a week since my last post. Things have improved.. my pain has subsided. I'm no longer taking morphine which has done wonders for my ability to go to the bathroom. It was a problem, and I was getting really sick of prune juice. Now I'm only taking tylenol.. it doesn't totally work, but I can live with a little discomfort. It reminds me to be careful.

I'm pretty much completely independent now. My husband went back to work on Monday and I get thru the day without a problem. I can take showers, get dressed, make or get myself some food (like toast, fruit, etc..). I am using crutches and have mastered carrying books and magazines around while crutching. I can carry some stuff in a plastic grocery bag if I need to. This is how I've been getting and carrying the mail.. a highlight of each day.

Much of my independence is due to this wonderful grabber tool thing that we bought at a local medical supply store. It enables me to do all these things. I always have the grabber with me - I can pick things up, turn on the t.v., get towels out of the closet, pick up clothes, etc..

I've been trying to get out daily .. sometimes just crutching up and down the driveway. But lately I've been having my husband or sister take me on bigger outings to stores. I get around pretty well with my wheelchair on these outings.. crutching thru a store is too exhausting, so I prefer the wheels. Yesterday I went to the mall and that was an adventure in obstacles .. even after the ADA, the world is still not all that accessible to people in wheelchairs. It was frustrating. The big box stores are better.. Target and Home Depot were a breeze to cruise around. I bought myself some underwear at Target that doesn't rub against my incision so I can stop going Comando, as I've been doing for two weeks. I even went out to dinner last night with my friends to the Cheesecake Factory.. it was fun, but I think sitting upright for that amount of time was too much for my hip. It was very stiff and uncomfortable when I stood up from the table, and hurt on the car ride home. I had to take a morphine pill to sleep last night.

I'm seriously considering going back to work next week for a few days. Part of me thinks it might be pushing it though, because I haven't heard of anyone going back to work in 3 weeks after a PAO. My joint is still fragile and I probably shouldn't expose myself to risk. Home = Safe. I'll see how I do this weekend.

My worst pain now is my tail bone, and I think it is from sitting so much as opposed to the surgery. Pain from my hip is only when I move my leg and hip in a direction they don't want to move.. from time to time I step wrong.. today my toe got caught on the carpet when I was crutching so it pulled my leg backwards. Ouch!

Perhaps I'll start to post more often. Probably not though. Off to Lowes to pick up a new sconce for the hallway. Getting out is keeping me sane. Boredom is setting in. Today I read a book start to finish.

Recovering from surgery

2006-04-12T09:52:00.000-04:00

So I haven't posted in months - life gets busy and I forgot about my blog.
Had surgery on April 3rd to correct for my retreiver-like hips. I had a perioacetabular osteotomy (PAO) on my left hip. My doc was Dr. Michael Millis @ Children's Hospital in Boston. By all accounts one of the best surgeons in the country for this procedure. So, now am i 1/8 retreiver?

Surgery went well according to the doc. I was speedy to get out of bed according to the nurses and physical therapists. I'm feeling pretty positive and am at home now hanging out on the couch with my cats and husband, hence my writing in the blog because what else am I supposed to do.

We bought a recliner yesterday that we're getting today and I'm excited because it doubles my seating options.

The pain is terrible. I won't lie. I really hope it goes away because I've been on morphine now for over a week and at some point I'm going to run out and I don't know if I'll be able to tolerate the pain. It's a weird pain - not where I thought I would have pain. It's the worst on the back of my leg toward the outside directly below my butt.

I can't bend past 90 degrees but keep forgetting because there is nothing magical stopping me from doing that so I hope that I haven't totally screwed up the procedure. I can only put 1/6 of my weight on the operated leg but occasionally I lose my balance and put more than that on the leg and it hurts like hell and I also hope I haven't done anything bad to screw up the procedure.

I have a slew of fun activities lined up for me: magazines and books to read, silly games to play, a nintendo game box, cross stitch patterns to work on, t.v. to watch - but I seem to be spending most of my time on the laptop and sleeping. I'm gaining more and more energy every day which I guess is a good thing.

So far the worst part (besides the terrible pain and being confined to a couch and loss of appetite and total dependence on another human being) has been the constipation. My husband had to give me two suppositories- poor guy. Hopefully they will pull through for me and he won't have to do that again.

More later.

2005-11-03T22:21:00.000-05:00

Magnolia Beach
Me and Sable on our evening walk. Clears my mind to walk here. I have a lot to think about right now - waiting for answers to a zillion questions.

2005-11-02T07:26:00.000-05:00

I've relaxed a bit today. Come to several conclusions that there is no use getting to worked up about things until I have more answers. I do wish that the doc would get me in for my MRI though.

I'm on vacation next week. Wish I was in a better frame of mind to get excited about it - we are going to Las Vegas, Arizona and Utah on a hiking/gambling trip. The two things don't really go hand in hand, but Vegas was a good place to fly to and rent a car for cheap.

Am looking forward to the Grand Canyon though.